Just an update...

Been awhile since I've posted, things have been going better than they had in awhile.  Hubby has a job, at least though it is extremely stressful these last 2 weeks.  My daughter is 3 years old now, very bright, but STILL a breastfeeder.  I swear, I will be nursing this one until the baby or "milk" teeth fall out.  She is slowing down but still a picky eater and refuses cow's milk.

I have been weaned off Cymbalta with some difficulty (extreme anger issues for awhile there) but have more energy.  Still trying to get off a small dose of Klonopin but every time the dose goes to zero, my muscles become stiff as a board, I'm in so much physical pain.  The panic/anxiety I could deal with now but I can't function to take care of my daughter with such tight muscles (nothing helps - not massage, not muscle relaxers, not NSAIDs, chamomile tea, etc., etc.).  Am seeing the psychiatrist next week to discuss this as I'm starting to wonder if my body has such a physical dependency on it, I just get the tight muscles without it, without any added stress even.

After I'm off meds, baby #2 may be in the future, we'll see.  Hubby & I flip-flop because my daughter is so extremely high maintenance, and the bulk of the care would go to me (I do also have some issues with fibromylagia and that worries me too).

Weight gain isn't going so far but am completely healthy otherwise- all blood tests, heart tests, kidney, thyroid, liver normal.  Doc puts it down to either the nursing and/or panic disorder but I definitely eat plenty.  And of course, old ED (eating disorder) emotions come to play when I'm eating more than my husband (a foot taller) and feel guilty even though, I shouldn't. (Have I mentioned EDs SUCK!!! I don't know if I'll ever be 100% completely free of the negative body image thoughts...sigh.)

In positive family news, my sister gave birth to a baby girl, January 31, her due date (completely natural).  We visit often and Tessa loves seeing and getting to hold her new cousin.  Seeing my little niece definitely makes me want another baby, if only they didn't turn into questioning, whiny toddlers!