Wednesday, March 10, 2010

my sister visited today and I fell apart :(

My sister stopped by after work to visit today, and I just lost it.  She quit her job a couple weeks ago because she didn't like the way things were managed at her job, and she already has a new job.  I know her line of work is different from hubby's (she's a physical therapist), but it just does not seem fair that we always get the short end of the stick.  She started talking about her new job, and I just snapped and the next thing I knew, I was in tears and it took forever to compose myself again.  Ugh.  Kelley has been looking for over 5 months now and not one callback or phone interview even.  I'm very depressed and anxious lately.  I'm having a lot of panic attacks, and lately the nerve pain/myofascial pain/fibromyalgia, what ever it is, has been BAD.  It does tend to flare up with stress, and I've had a lot of it lately.  I'm not going to harm myself or anything, but I just feel broken and beaten and can't take much more.

We're going to try to sell the house, which sickens me.  I think we're going to get Tessa & me packed fairly soon and make a trip out to LA and drop us off with the inlaws and Kelley will come back here and pack and tie up all the loose ends.  I am seriously at the end of my tether.  I know we have a lot to be grateful for - a thriving, smart daughter, our health (such as it is, it could always be worse), but these are dark days for me and hard to see the light.  I am numb inside and just want to be happy again and sleep well and not have at least 1 panic attack every day or constantly feel on the verge of a panic attack.  I am having a hard time keeping it together for Tessa. 

I know these tough days make us stronger in the end, but I sure hate going through them in the meantime.


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