Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I just can't ever catch a break :(

So DH dropped a bombshell this afternoon and told me he found out his unemployment benefits will be gone at the end of April (there's legislation in the works to extend it but who knows how long that will take to go through?).  He has been hunting for a job since Oct. 2009 and no bites, not even a phone call back despite nearly 100 applications submitted (his work is specialized, he's a Ph.D. physical chemist, nanotechnology).  Great.  So what are we supposed to do now?  I think it will mean selling the house (probably at a huge loss) and moving in with his parents (who thankfully I get along with but their house is on the small side). 

It's not enough that I've gone through severe depression, an eating disorder & am dealing with panic disorder & fibromyalgia (or something, that's what the doctors call it, I'm not sure it's true fibromyalgia but I have very severe myofascial pain all over my body, muscle spasms, lots of nerve sensitivities) & for lack of any other diagnosis, that's what it's been labeled as.  And I had a heck of a stint with vitamin B-6 toxicity too.  All of the meds I've been on over the years have changed me (my personality) in ways I can't exactly explain, but I just don't function the way I used to before I got on any meds and I can't put my finger on exactly how it's changed me, just that it has, and even my mom & sisters have remarked upon it from time to time.  I've tried getting a job in retail but my degree (master's in cell biology) seems to overqualify me for anything.  Don't people understand the job market is brutal out there! ?  DH can't find work either since nearly every company has applications online & the computer screening sometimes boots him out the minute he's submitted an application (will receive an automatic email back that he' not got the job).

This was already DH's 3rd layoff in 5 years of marriage.  It's so frustrating!  If only he'd get a break or someone would take a chance on him.  Even if he doesn't have experience or a degree in a field, it's likely he can learn it & get up to speed quickly.  One of his greatest assets is that if his job requires something like knowledge of an area of physics or calculus or computer programming, he can quickly learn & master it.  And he is one of the most tenacious problem solvers I've ever met & often will think outside the box to solve a problem.  Which you'd think would be skills that make him highly marketable, but there's never a place on an application to list these sorts of skills & if you add them in otherwise, it sounds like you're just full of yourself or something.

And now our house...I am numb inside, hurt, I don't know.  It seems like I never get any kind of break ever. Trying to keep a cheerful front for my daughter is just about doing me in.  I haven't had a decent night's sleep in forever.  I'm having panic attacks daily.  And I'm depressed (not going to harm myself or anything) but I've certainly had better days moodwise.  I feel broken and hopeless.


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