Can't Afford the Chiropractor (Lower Back Pain Sucks!)

I really hope my husband can find a job soon.  It is bad enough being on a tight, tight budget, not able to afford toys or clothes for Tessa or to eat out, but lately, I have so been wishing I could afford the chiropractor again.  The chiropractor AND a deep tissue massage.  Lower back & myofascial pain has been eating away at me lately, not bad enough that I can't do anything, just bad enough to wear at my nerves, especially when Tessa wants you sitting on the floor playing an ever-increasingly involved game of Little People (an obsession I will not be sad to see her outgrow!).  Back when Kelley had a job, I went every 2 weeks to the chiropractor & every 1-2 months for a deep tissue massage.  That did help my back pain significantly (I've had problems with my lower back & hips since I was pregnant with Tessa and my SI (sacroileac) joint went out (absolute agony!). 

There's not really a point to this post I guess except saying that unemployment sucks, lower back pain sucks & myofascial pain sucks.  I'm very tired this morning and a bit down (depression sucks).  I'll get over it, I know, a lot of my mood fluctuates depending on my hormones, which are increasingly whacky thanks to Tessa taking it into her head to start nursing at all hours overnight again (hence increased milk production).

why don't people cover their mouths when they cough?!

I have been sick since Sunday and now, while I'm feeling better in regards to fever, I have a horrible deep cough & sore throat & seem to be on the way to losing my voice.  I'm pretty sure I know how I got sick too.  We were in Michael's a few days beforehand, and as I rounded a corner with my cart, I nearly bumped into a woman coughing (deep raspy cough similar to what I have now) not covering her mouth.  Hello!  Please cover your mouth when you cough, especially out in public. We were less than a foot apart so I am sure I was definitely exposed to whatever she had.  Now Tessa seems to be sick too, but she is a trooper and still playing strong. (I am hoping too she may get the benefit of some of the antibodies in my breast milk.)  But that's just her personality.  She had a horrible vomiting & diarrhea illness around 18 months old (DH & I caught it afterwards and thought we would need an ambulance to keep us rehydrated, and it was all we could do to lie in bed and not moan).  But Tessa would throw up, play, throw up, play, throw up, and go right back to playing.  By the way, let me mention that was one of the huge perks of extended BF'ing (not the BF'ing while I was sick, of course) but the fact that Tessa refused to eat most everything and couldn't keep down water or juice either, but she kept down the BM.  Until she recovered completely, she mostly went back to just nursing for nutrition.  It was almost like nursing a newborn again.

Home again!

We made it home yesterday flying from Los Angelos to Houston.  Travel with a toddler is anything but simple, especially with added security measures now.  But this time around we were smart to get a cart for the luggage right away and not strain ourselves carrying all that stuff and Tessa too like we did on the trip out.

Once again, can I say I am SO glad I am still breastfeeding!  It came in so useful for toddler meltdowns.  I nursed in the airport while waiting on DH to get through security (the luggage cart had to go through a separate line) and Tessa about melted down once I took her shoes off for security.  She was not happy anyway at security because she was upset to leave her Tee Tee (MIL) behind.  I nursed on the plane while waiting to take off (it seemed to take forever to load and we were way past our departure time).  I nursed while we took off in the plane and Tessa fell asleep and slept most of the trip.  I felt so bad for a toddler mom seated near us; her LO cried the entire flight and refused to be soothed with a pacifier.  There are some perks to toddler nursing.  And we nursed a bit on the descent.  Yay for the booby!

It is good to be home but now there is paperwork and mail to catch up on.  Tessa did well going  back to the gym daycare this morning (I worried about how she would do since we were gone so long but she did fine).  She likes the regular worker there and she was working this morning.

Flying Home Tomorrow!

We're leaving CA tomorrow for Houston and home.  I'm sad to leave my inlaws this time around, mainly because Tessa is so attached to her Tee Tee (grandma).  But it will be good to get home too and I hope the airport isn't too horrible with extra security.  Since 9/11, flying is so stressful to me with all the extra security restrictions and checks.  I just can't wait to be done with the traveling.  It's no fun to fly with a toddler either.  Flying out here with Tessa was harder than I'd thought it would be.  Thank goodness I was still breastfeeding, because finally, I nursed her on the plane and she fell asleep nursing, and both DH and I got a break.

Anyway, I hope 2010 is a much better year than 2009 for us.  Last year was rough.  I was diagnosed with vitamin B-6 toxicity in June (caused by my multi-vitamin, who the heck knew there could be a problem having TOO much B6 in your system).  I have been dealing with those symptoms (tingling in extremities, numbness, fluid retention off & on since 2005.  It's good to have a diagnosis, but the only treatment is to cease taking B6 and hope eventually the symptoms lessen and go away. There is some controversy whether the nerves ever fully recover from the damage though unquestionably, I definitely am less fatigued since stopping my multi-vitamin.  Around Halloween, my husband was laid off, and he hasn't had anything but rejections since then and not one interested interview.  Hopefully, it's just the holiidays and things pick up after Christmas.

As far as New Year's Resolutions, I hope to get more into weight lifting again at the gym (I was doing well with it until DH lost his job).  Without the weight lifting, I eat less and keep lose a little weight.  I still do have to admit I'm not 100% recovered from exercisee compulsion, though it IS much better.  I do still have to exercise 5-6 days a week and have a hard time when I skip the gym for whatever reason.  Even while visiting the inlaws, I have a temporary pass to the local YMCA so I can work out.  At least I do less intense exercise now, but it is still hard on me to skip it completely.

Why does it always rain when I get my hair done?

We will soon be flying back home to Texas, but today, I went to the salon and got my hair done as part of my Christmas gift from MIL.  I was really self-conscious about it as the roots had grown out so much.  I got highlights and a cut and it turned out pretty good.  Later, I will try to upload some before & after pictures.  Unfortunately, today is one of the few days when it actually rains in So. Cal.  Of course, it would rain when I get my hair done!

Today, I NIP'ed (nursed in public) with Tessa for the first time in a long time (not counting our plane ride out to CA, where I nursed her too).  She just doesn't ask for "boobies" that much when we're out and about and interesting things are happening.  But she was overtired today, and we were eating a late lunch and she asked to nurse at the restaurant, so I did (we were in a booth anyway, so it was pretty discreet).  I never have been one to use a covering when NIP, mostly because Tessa won't tolerate it.  I haven't gotten any comments yet, but I've gotten looks several times.  Probably I would get more comments if people realized Tessa was already 2, but since she still doesn't have much hair, she is often mistaken for being younger than she really is.

As I said before, my plan is to let Tessa self-wean, but sometimes it feels  like this child will never wean!  I know when it does happen it will be bittersweet for me since breastfeeding has been a wonderful  & special part of my relationship with Tessa.

An intro

My name is Cheryl Bradley.  I'm 32 years old and live in Texas.  I have a beautiful 2 year old daughter, Tessa, and have been married for 5 years to my husband.  Since she was born in Dec. 2007, I have been breastfeeding Tessa, and she is still nursing today at 2.  While extended breastfeeding is not common in the U.S., the WHO actually recommends that moms breastfeed for a minimum of 2 years.  My plan now is to let Tessa self-wean when she is ready.  I had no major issues with breastfeeding my daughter such as problems with sore nipples or latch issues, but even so, in the beginning, I thought there was no way I'd make it 2 months, much less 2 years.  I am SO proud of us for making it to our 2 year breastfeeding anniversary.  But I do hate that the majority of the people in the U.S. seem to view extended breastfeeding as "weird".

If you know me from other sites, you'd know I also have dealt with postpartum depression (PPD) and anxiety & panic disorder and years ago now, an eating disorder (anorexia and compulsive exercise) while I was in college.  At my worst, I did weigh around 80 lb.  I am 5'4" tall so that was very underweight.  The ED is more or less under control now and my weight has been stable for years, ranging from around 105-115 lb. (when I wasn't pregnant).  I don't know that I'll ever be 100% free of the ED thoughts, but I do much better with them, and behavior-wise, I'd consider myself recovered from the ED for around 8 years now.  The anxiety and panic issue as well as the PPD is another matter, though.  Currently, I take Cymbalta and Xanax as needed for panic attacks & the depression and Trazodone for sleep.

Shortly before Halloween, my husband was laid off from his job (financial problems at his company).  He is a Ph.D. physical chemist, and despite the fact that he earned his Ph.D. at Rice University in Houston under a Nobel Prize winning professor (Dr. Rick Smalley, now deceased), he has a hard time finding work.  He contracted for Johnson Space Center (JSC) for awhile, but cutbacks at NASA forced a lay off there as well.  I don't know what we're going to do this time, with a toddler.  We may have to move in with my inlaws in Southern California if he doesn't find a job soon.  I have a master's degree in microbiology from the University of Houston but have been out of the work force some years and am currently a SAHM, so the only income we have right now is his unemployment and money we can beg off his folks.  I really hate this limbo state of affairs, and it's not doing my anxiety disorder any good, that's for sure!

I'm not sure exactly what this blog is going to be like--a little about parenting, about breastfeeding, mental health issues, current happenings in my life, whatever strikes my fancy.